Insults

Baboon Face

Hey, what are you going to do for a face when the baboon wants its ass back?

A lady and her baby...

A lady and her baby get on a bus. The bus driver looks at the lady, and then her baby, and then screams, "AHHHH! Thats the ugliest child I"ve ever seen in my life!"
The lady then, totally disgusted, marches up to the back of the bus to sit down.

As she was sitting there absolutely furious, a man asks, "Are you ok, dear?"

The lady replies, "I"m so angry, that bus driver just insulted me."

The man says, "You go back up there and give that bus driver a piece of your mind, and I"ll watch your monkey."

A wrinkle in time

A little girl got on her grandpas lap and said, "Did God make me?"
"Yes," the grandpa replied.

"Did God make you too?"

"Yes," the grandpa said.

"Well," the little girl said, while running her fingers down his wrinkles and looking at his thinning hair, "He sure is doing a better job nowadays!"

Farting into the Great Beyond

Your farts so loud, astronauts in space mistook your fart for a message from Houston!

Baaad breath

Yo" breath so stank, its like your tongue farted!

Almost famous

"You remind me of a famous movie star."
"Really? Which one?"
"Lassie."

Amusement pork

Q: What do a man and a rollercoaster have in common?
A: You wait three hours for a two-minute ride

A Hole in the Head

Why does a mans penis have a hole in it?
So he can get oxygen to his brain.

Earth Shaking

A fat man is dancing at a disco, and he is approached by a beautiful woman.
"What on earth do you think you are doing?", says the woman.

The obese man replies, "Shaking my groove thang."

The woman laughs and says,

"If that is a groove? The Grand Canyon is a ditch!"

Flat Chance

You are so flat, youre a pirates dream.
He cant wait to get his hands on a sunken chest!