Police
|Big Louie the Torpedo was becoming increasingly curious about one of the newer members of his mob, Benny the Rod. Benny had been in the business for many years in another part of the country. During that time he had garnered quite a reputation for being the most conscientious and honorable hit man available. He was also considered quite eccentric, perhaps odd, in that for the last ten years or so he always kept one hand in his pocket - clutching his cold steel weapon in readiness (hence the nickname, Benny the Rod). When Benny arrived at Louie's office, the question was put to him."So what's the story with you and this here gun of yours, eh? Like, are you scared or somethin' or you just want to always be ready or what?""Not scared ..." Benny growled, "been doin' it dis way ever since me sister-in-law's weddin' 'bout ten ten years ago now"."Oh yeah? ... so ...?""Well, I used ta know her fiance at da time - a no good chisler. He never even loved the goil so much ... but he made her happy and so I kept me mouth shut about it", Benny explained.Louie leaned in, expecting the point of the matter."And since dat time I gotta do it dis way"."But WHY?!", Louie finally demanded?"Well, I was at da wedding", grumbled Benny, and I wasn't about to say nuttin' about it then, so now I gotta do like da preacher said ..."Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Piece!"
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November 11, 2009
|John was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?""No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you're going to do with the money?"John thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that drivers' license."Judi, sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh, don't pay attention to him -- he's just a wise guy when he's drunk and stoned."Brian from the back seat said, "I told you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!"At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"
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November 11, 2009
|A traffic Policeman recently stopped a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit. He asked the driver her name.She said, "I'm Mrs. Chadivaler Zuminskagia Ragretumunga from the Republic of Uzbetikan visiting my daughter in Columbia."As she finished speaking the cop paused for a moment and then put away his summons book and pen, and said, "Well... OK... but don't let me catch you speeding again."
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November 11, 2009
|While driving along the back roads of a small town, two truckers came to an overpass with a sign that read CLEARANCE 11'3."They got out and measured their rig, which was 12'4.""What do you think?" one asked the other.The driver looked around carefully, then shifted into first. "Not a cop in sight. Let's take a chance!"
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November 11, 2009
|The following supposedly a true story.This guy walked into a little corner store with a shot gun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give the scotch to him because he didn't believe him. At this point the robber took his drivers license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off of the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
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November 11, 2009
|A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," she cried out.However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line. "Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake."
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November 11, 2009
|Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day were led down to the room in which they would meet their maker. The priest had given the last rites, the formal speech had been given by the warden, and a final prayer had been said among the participants. The Warden, turning to the first man, solemnly asked, "Son, do you have a last request?" To which the man replied, "Yes sir, I do. I love dance music. Could you please play The Macarena for me one last time?" "Certainly," replied the warden. He turned to the other man and asked, "Well, what about you, son? What is your final request?" "Please," said the condemned man, "kill me first."
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November 11, 2009
|Why do they put a suicide watch on death row prisoners? Why would you care if a man you're planning to kill anyway, kills himself? Does it spoil the fun? I also think about the death row prisoner in Texas who, on the day before his execution, managed to take a drug overdose. They rushed him to a hospital, saved his life, then brought him back to prison and killed him.Apparently, just to anger him.
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November 11, 2009
|A squad car driver was covering a quiet beat out in the sticks when he was amazed to find a former lieutenant on the police force covering the beat.He stopped the car and asked, "Why, Irish Mike, this wouldn't be your new beat out here in the sticks, would it?""That it is, "Irish Mike replied grimly, "ever since I arrested the judge on his way to the masquerade ball.""You mean you pinched his honor?" asked Pat."How was I to know that his convict suit was only a costume?" demanded Mike."Well," mused Pat, "there's a lesson in this somewhere.""That there is," replied Irish Mike...." 'Tis wise never to book a judge by his cover."
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November 11, 2009
|Two lawyers are in a bank, when, suddenly, armed robbers burst in.While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the lawyers, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on lawyer number one jams something in lawyer number two's hand.Without looking down, lawyer number two whispers, "What is this?" to which lawyer number one replies, "It's that $50 I owe you."
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November 11, 2009
