Police
|The top 20 things not to say to a cop when he pulls you over.20. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.19. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.18. Aren't you the guy from the villiage people?17. Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.16. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.15. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.14. Bad cop. No donut.13. You're not going to check the trunk, are you?12. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.11. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on cops?10. Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?9. I pay your salary8. So uh, you on the take or what?7. Gee officer, that's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning.6. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.5. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other cars around, that's how far they are ahead of me.4. What do you mean have I been drinking? You are the trained specialist.3. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.2. Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum. 1. Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?
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November 11, 2009
|Driving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him. Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road. The policmen stopped traffic and recovered the box. It was found to contain large upholstery tacks. "I'm sorry sir," the first trooper told the driver, "but I am still going to have to write you a ticket." Amazed, the driver asked for what. The trooper replied, "Tacks evasion."
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November 11, 2009
|A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?" The man gets really indignant and says, "Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"
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November 11, 2009
|A local policeman had just finished his shift one cold November evening and was at home with his wife. "You just won't believe what happened this evening , in all my years on the force I've never seen anything like it." "Oh yes dear, what happened ?" "I came across two guys down by the canal, one of them was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks." "Drinking battery acid and eating fireworks!! What did you do with them ?" "Oh that was easy, I charged one and let the other off."
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November 11, 2009
|Signs Your Partner Needs A Vacation9. Every Tuesday he insists it's his turn to be the siren.8. He wants to transfer to a K-9 unit because he thinks he'd look good in a collar.7. He wants you to call him "Judge Dredd", and he insists that all suspects should be executed right there on the spot.6. He talk to himself. Half of him is the "good cop", and the other half is the "bad cop".5. He keeps asking you if his bullet proof vest makes him look fat.4. He is exchanging donut recipes with complete strangers.3. The perpetrators beg him to stop talking about his relationship troubles.2. He wants to hear less talk and more music on the police channel.1. He keeps handcuffing himself by accident!!
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November 11, 2009
