Ouch
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.So I said "Implants?"
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Views: 16 |
November 11, 2009
Three fellows walking along the beach noticed a mermaid sitting on a rock swishing her tail in the foam. The first man waded out to her and said, Hello mermaid! Have you ever been kissed?" She replied, "no sir!" So he kissed her quite thoroughly and asked, "Did you like that?" "Oh, indeed I did, sir!" she replied The second man went out to her and asked,"Mermaid, have you ever had your breasts fondled?" "No sir," she replied. So he set to and fondled and caressed and then asked, "How did you like that?" She replied," It was most pleasurable, sir." The third fellow approached and asked," Mermaid, have you ever been fucked?" "No sir," she replied. He said, "Well you have been now--the tide's gone out!"
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November 11, 2009
What did the impatient helicopter say to its clumsy mechanic?"Chop chop."
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Views: 19 |
November 11, 2009
What's worse than being raped by Jack the Ripper?Getting fingered by Captain Hook!
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Views: 24 |
November 11, 2009
"How did it happen?" the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he setthe man's broken leg."Well, doc, 25 years ago ...""Never mind the past. Tell me how you broke your leg this morning.""Like I was saying...25 years ago, when I first started working on thefarm, that night, right after I'd gone to bed, the farmer's beautifuldaughter came into my room. She asked me if there was anything I wanted.I said no, everything is fine. "Are you sure?", she asked. "I'm sure,I said. "Isn't there anything I can do for you?" she wanted to know."I reckon not" I replied ..."Excuse me," said the doctor, "What does this story have to do with your leg?""Well, this morning," the farmhand explained, "when it dawned on me whatshe meant, I fell off the roof!"
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November 11, 2009
A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. In the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, "When did you bag him?"The host said proudly, "That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my ex-wife.""What's he stuffed with," asked the visiting hunter."My ex-wife" replied the hunter.
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November 11, 2009
Two men and a woman were the sole survivors of a pleasure cruise shipthat sank in the Bermuda Triangle. They made it to an uninhabited island.Two weeks later the woman jumped off a cliff because she was so ashamedof what she was doing.Two weeks after that the two men buried her because they were so ashamedof what they were doing.Two more weeks passed by and the men dug her up again--being so ashamedof what they were doing.
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November 11, 2009
A young man fell in a pit one day, and found a magic lamp with a genie inside of it. The genie said, 'I will grant you three wishes.' The man's first wish was to get out of the pit. **POOF** He was instantly transported out. He then wished for all the gold in the world. **POOF** The genie gave him all the gold nuggets in the world, all the gold bars, all the gold pebbles, etc. The man could not think of anything for his third wish, so he went out for a ride in his Ferrari. He turned on the radio, and after a few minutes, his favorite song came on. He decided to sing along: 'Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Meyer Weiner...'
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November 11, 2009
A little girl was walking along a beach in California whenshe came across a man with no clothes on and just a newspapercovering his genitals.The little girl said, "What do you have under that newspaper, Mister?"The man said, "Nothing, it's just a bird, now go away!"The man thought nothing of her and quickly fell asleep.Hours later, the man woke up in a hospital bed in excrutiating pain."Where the hell am I?"A doctor replied, "Someone called 9-1-1 and said you needed emergencyhelp, so we rushed you right over.""Well, what the hell happened to me?""We don't know, son. Do you remember anything unusual happeningto you today?"The man said, "Well, there was a little girl bugging me justbefore I fell asleep." The doctor sent someone to the beach to see if the little girl wasstill there, and she was. The person said, "Do you know what happenedto that nice man you saw here earlier?""Well," the little girl said, "I started to play with that nice littlebird that he had and the damn thing spit on me. So, I wrung its neck,broke its eggs, and set its nest on fire!"
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November 11, 2009
A door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his newterritory. He knocks, a real mean and tough looking lady opens the door, andbefore she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow pattiesall over the carpet.He says, "Lady, if this vacuum cleaner don't do wonders cleaning up thathorseshit, I'll eat every chunk of it." She turns to him with a smirk and says, "You want ketchup on that?"He Salesman says, "why do you ask?"She says "We just moved in and we haven't got the electricity turned on yet."
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November 11, 2009
