Miscellaneous
Why are there so many Jones's in the phone book? Because they all have phones.
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November 11, 2009
A pedophile dies in a car crash and goes to heaven. He's stopped atthe pearly gates by St. Peter, who is really miffed:"You swine. How can you have the audacity to try and enter heaven afteryou have lead such a perverted, ungodly life. Do you think you have asnowballs chance in hell of meeting god?""Fuck God... I'm after the baby Jesus."
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November 11, 2009
There were these three morticians talking about their greatest feats. The first one says, "I had this soldier who stepped on a land mine. Took me three days to get him ready for an open casket funeral!!" The next guy says, "oh yeah? I had this construction worker fall 15 stories, then he got run over by a steam roller, but I had him ready for an open casket funeral in two days!!!" The third guy sulks in the corner, "man. both y'all got me beat. I had this lady parachutist who landed on the empire state building. it took me four days just to get the grin off her face."
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November 11, 2009
Have you ever wondered why you wonder why?I used to wonder why, but now I don't wonder why I wonder why.I wonder why I don't wonder why anymore?
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November 11, 2009
What's brown and sticky?A stick.
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November 11, 2009
A partially deaf gentleman was extolling the virtues of his new hearing aid. "It's marvelous," he enthused to a friend. "Since I acquired it I can hear the birds chirping on the hearth. I can also hear clearly a conversation being held in an apartment a full block away!""You don't say," said his friend. "What kind is it?"The proud owner consulted his wristwatch and answered, "Twenty minutes after two."
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November 11, 2009
Father: Did Paul bring you home last night?Daughter: Yes, it was late. Daddy. Did the noise disturb you?Father: No, My Dear, it wasn't the noise. It was the silence.
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November 11, 2009
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time. "I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings.""That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?""The guy was your doctor."
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November 11, 2009
What did the egg say to the boiling water?"I just got laid and now you want me to get hard?!"Sent by Sarah
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November 11, 2009
