Lawyer
|Take heart, America. Three monkey wrenches have been thrown into Japan's well-oiled economic machine. It's only a mater of time before that powerful engine of productivity begins to sputter and fail.What could cause such a sharp turnaround? High interest rates? Increased unemployment? Lower productivity? No, it's something much more economically debilitating - and permanent.Three American lawyers have become the first foreign attorneys permitted to practice law in Japan. What's more, two of them are from New York!The decline has begun.Japan has one attorney for every 10,000 residents, compared to the U.S. ratio of one attorney for every 390 residents. For every 100 attorneys trained in Japan, there are 1,000 enginerrs. In the United States, that ratio is reversed.But a law that became effective on April 1 permits foreigners to practice in Japan for the first time since 1955. Already, an additional 20 American and six British lawyers have applied for permission to open practices in Japan.If anything can slow the Japanese economy, it's the presence of American attorneys. What better way to even our balance of trade than to send Japan our costliest surplus commodity?
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November 11, 2009
|Mrs. Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her classes:"A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?"After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Johnny raised his hand.The teacher called on Little Johnny for his answer.With complete sincerity in his voice, Little Johnny answered, "A lawyer!"
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November 11, 2009
|One day at a trial, an eminent psychologist was called to testify. A severe, no-nonsense professional, she sat down in the witness chair, unaware that its rear legs were set precariously on the back of the raised platform. "Will you state your name?" asked the district attorney. Tilting back in her chair she opened her mouth to answer, but instead catapulted head-over-heels backward and landed in a stack of exhibits and recording equipment. Everyone watched in stunned silence as she extricated herself, rearranged her disheveled dress and hair and was reseated on the witness stand. The glare she directed at onlookers dared anyone to so much as smirk. "Well, doctor," continued the district attorney without changing expression, "we could start with an easier question".
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November 11, 2009
|Nugent needed legal advice, so he walked into the office of Gregory, Ellis and Gregory. Nugent sat down at the desk of the senior member of the firm."If you're not rally in bad trouble, I'll take the case," said Gregory. "If you're in a real jam and want to get out of it, my partner will handle it.If, on the other hand, you're not involved and want to get in trouble, my on, who just graduated from law school, will take it!"
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November 11, 2009
|`You seem to be in some distress,' said the kindly judge to the witness. `Is anything the matter?'`Well, your Honour,' said the witness, `I swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but every time I try, some lawyer objects.'
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November 11, 2009
|Two prisoners are talking about their crimes:George: "I robbed a bank, and they gave me 20 years"Herman: "Hmm. I killed a man, and I'm here for 3 days"George: "*WHAT*??? I rob a bank and get 20 years; you kill a man and get 3 days???"Herman: "Yeah, it was a lawyer."
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November 11, 2009
|A doctor was vacationing at the seashore with his family. Suddenly, he spotted a fin sticking up in the water and fainted. "Darling, it was just a shark," assured his wife when he came to. "You've got to stop imagining that there are lawyers everywhere."
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November 11, 2009
|Have you seen the current remake of the movie "Cape Fear?"It's about a deranged psychotic who is seeking revenge against a lawyer.The question is, while watching the movie, for whom do you root?
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November 11, 2009
|What are the three questions most commonly asked by lawyers?1. How much money do you have?2. Where can you get more?3. Do you have anything you can sell? --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: How many lawyer jokes are there?A: Only three. The balance are documented case histories. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------There's an interesting new novel about two ex-convicts. One of them studies to become a lawyer, the other decides to go straight.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Lawyers are safe from the threat of automation taking over their professions. No one would build a robot to do nothing.
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November 11, 2009
|One day in Contract Law class, Professor Jepson asked one of his better students, "Now if you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?" The student replied, "Here's an orange." The professor was livid. "No! No! Think like a lawyer!" The student then recited, "Okay, I'd tell him, 'I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, calim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding..."
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November 11, 2009
