Drunks
A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself.Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?""My mother died in June," he said, "and left me $10,000.""Gee, that's tough," he replied."Then in July," the friend continued, "My father died leaving me $50,000.""Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed.""And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000.""Three close family members lost in three months? How sad.""Then this month," continued, the friend, "nothing!"
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Rate: 5.0 |
Views: 20 |
November 11, 2009
A visiting conventioneer from Saskatchewan walked into a bar in Greenwich Village and sat next to a rather attractive woman."Hi," he said, "I'm new in town. Can I buy you a drink?""Get lost," she remarked, "I am Lesbian.""Oh, really?" he asked, "How are things in Beiruit?"
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Views: 18 |
November 11, 2009
A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned somethingabout his girlfriend being out in the car.The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the drunk's buddy, Pete, and his girlfriend going at it in the back-seat. The bartender shook his head and walked back inside. He told the drunk that he thought it might be a good idea to check on his girlfriend.The drunk staggered outside to the car, saw Pete and his girlfriendentwined, then walked back into the bar laughing. "What's so funny?" thebartender asked."That damned Pete!" the drunk chortled, "He's so drunk, he thinks he's me!"
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Views: 18 |
November 11, 2009
There was a young Scotsman called Andy,Who knocked over his bottle of Shandy.He lifted his kilt,To wipe up what he spilt,And the barmaid said, "Blimey! That's handy!"
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Views: 17 |
November 11, 2009
A well dressed gentlemen enters the bar of a five star restaurant, sits at the bar and orders four very expensive drinks. The bartender serves them on a silver tray, setting all four in front of the patron. The man then consumes all four drinks in a matter of seconds. The bartender comments, "Wow, you sure must have a problem." "If you had what I had," the man replies, "you'd drink them fast, too." Leaning over, the sympathetic bartender asks, "What do you have?" "Fifty cents," the man answers.
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Rate: 5.0 |
Views: 26 |
November 11, 2009
Buford: Man, have you got a drinking problem! Mongo: The hell I do! Buford: The hell you don't!Mongo: I don't have a drinking problem. I drink...I get drunk...I fall down. No problem!
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Views: 20 |
November 11, 2009
Sign of drinking problem...You shout, "I'm not as think you drunk I am."Sent by JC
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Views: 21 |
November 11, 2009
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:IndubitablyInnovativePreliminaryProliferationCinnamonTHINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:SpecificityBritish ConstitutionPassive-aggressive disorderLoquacious TransubstantiateTHINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:Thanks, but I don't want to have sexNope, no more booze for meSorry, but you're not really my typeGood evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight
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Views: 21 |
November 11, 2009
A drunk staggered into a cemetery and fell into a freshly dug grave.Pretty soon a second drunk staggered by. "Get me out of here", said the one in the grave, "I'm cold". The other one looked over the edge and said, "No wonder you're cold, you poor guy. You don't have any dirt on you".
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Rate: 5.0 |
Views: 5 |
November 11, 2009
"Old Jethro's next door's a-makin' moonshine again." the wife told her husband."How can you tell ?" he asked. "Did you smell it ?""Nope. But a bunch of mice from over to his place came over here this morning and beat the shit out of our cats . . ."
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Rate: 5.0 |
Views: 6 |
November 11, 2009
